If anything…

I want to hate you. But I just can’t. I can’t hate what we went through. I can’t hate the person you proved to be. I can’t hate the memories we share or the words we said. I can’t hate the nights we spent on the phone and the ones I spent in your arms. I can’t hate pain that I’m experiencing because it gave me the happiness I needed. I’m not the type of person who can hold onto hate.

Before I met you, I was broken. My heart was aching. My smile had faded. I was lost and hurting from a guy who would never choose me. You come out of nowhere. And you handed me all the tools to fix myself. To find myself again. You made me laugh harder than I had done in ages. You helped me open my heart to something good. You found me when I was broken and took the time to help me fix myself. And that was what I needed, because you handed me the tools to get over you.

I may not be there yet, but I am handling it better than I thought I would be. I don’t hate the you that couldn’t be honest. I don’t hate the choice you made. I don’t hate the way you acted. I don’t hate you because I don’t need to. I don’t hate the way you looked me in the eyes and said “we are going great”. I don’t hate the way you rung me when I told you I missed you after being ghosted. I don’t hate the way you was “too busy”. I don’t hate the guy you showed. I just don’t want too. Because that tarnishes something that for a while meant everything.

I can find happiness now in the small things. The way me and my best friend have attempted to smash a world record and keep failing massively. In the way my son will hear his sister scream and go running into help despite being half her size. He doesn’t care cause that’s his sister. It’s in the way Luna loves to share every single detail of her day with me. It’s in the way that both my children still come and give me a hug just because they needed a mummy cuddle.

How can I hate something that brought me back? You taught me to save the things worth saving. You taught me to step out of my comfort zone. You taught me how to want the very best for someone that I have to say goodbye to. You taught me how to fall before I ever met you. You taught me how to be your biggest cheerleader behind your back. You taught me to have faith in things that are bigger than us. You taught me that life will always teach me something and then show me why.

I needed you. I found you when I needed you only I didn’t know that you was what I needed. I found a friend in you that I never wanted to lose. I found a laugh in me that I lost for a very long time. I found a smile that couldn’t hide anything. I found a light that would never burn low again. I found life behind the colour grey. I found unconditional love for myself. I found self respect and boundaries. I found my limit.

I am beyond thankful for all our memories because they were times spent with you. I am thankful for every conversation we ever had, because they made me understand you, for both the good and the bad. I am thankful for every phone call we had at night because I learnt to go to sleep in peace. I am thankful for every smile you sent my way. I am thankful for every laugh from the bottom of my stomach, the ones where I had to literally catch my breath from laughing so hard. I am thankful for every time you became quiet and withdrawn, because it taught me that you have signs, before you become overcome with demons that you can’t hide from.

I am thankful that I got to play such a small part in your journey. I am thankful that it was you because the night we first met, I knew you’d play an important part of my life. I am thankful for letting you in, even at times when I thought I couldn’t. I am thankful for every time you put distance between us, because you taught me how to be without you. But, I am also thankful that you let me in. I am thankful that you opened your life to me even if now doesn’t mean anything.

I hope that I never become a regret to you. I hope that you never have any negative feelings attached to us. I hope that you chase after every dream you have, because I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind too. I hope you realise that I will never hold any of this against you. I hope that you find peace in your mind because I’ve witnessed you crack. I hope that you find someone who you choose at every opportunity but who chooses you back every time. I hope you find a way to remember that I will never give up wanting the very best of this life for you. I hope you remember that I will always have a smile on my face that you helped me find again.

You taught me how to get over someone which will help me get over you. I was emotionally blocked when it come to my writing. I could start loads of posts but couldn’t find the words to finish. I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn’t. I had blocked my emotions when it come to you. I believed you didn’t care so I wouldn’t allow myself to care about you. But that just isn’t who I am and I don’t intend to change just because I’m going through a bit of pain. I was blocked because I was looking at what happened, as the negative of never having you in my life again. The truth is, that I will carry a part of you with me for the rest of my life. You may not be physically in my life, but emotionally and mentally, you helped shape me into the person I am today.

I want you to know that you matter. I want you to know that you was appreciated. I want you to know that you mean something to someone. I want you to know that you need to let people in, because not everyone leaves. I want you to know that even after everything, you are worthy of it. I want you to know that I do love you and lastly I want you to know that I will never carry a doubt of regret about any of it.

So yes, I miss you. I am hurting. Yes I wish this wasn’t our outcome but I can’t change that anymore. I can’t pretend that not thinking about you is easy. Because it is one of the hardest things I have to do. Right now, it’s like there is a reminder of you every where I look and that’s how I know I’m meant to feel this for a little longer. But one day, you will simply be a short but important chapter in my book.

2021…

I originally started writing a post looking back on my year and wondering how the fudge I made it through the year. It was one hell of a year and I honestly struggled multiple times this year. It was hard and frustrating, I spent many days and nights crying my eyes out over things I couldn’t change and wasted time on things that really didn’t deserve my time or attention.

This year has been a massive learning curve and it’s one I am thankful for. I am thankful for so many things like the lessons I’ve learned, the people I’ve met and been in contact with, people I’ve reconnected with and even to the people I have lost. Sometimes its more about the lessons that we learn that help us on our journey to becoming the people we are meant to be and we may not always understand those lessons, but everything happens for a reason.

I had many ups last year but I don’t want to focus on the negatives of this year because it has been tough. However the year is almost over and my goodness I am looking forward to this change! There are things about this past year I could change, but those things are just lessons that will help me become a better and stronger person.

So I figured I would focus on the positives of this year. The positives that have kept me going when I thought I was honestly at the end. I have struggled but I can honestly say I have the greatest friends that have pulled me out of way too many dark times this year.

To the girls that live in my block, they know who they are, you both have been amazing! You and your little families have given me more laughs and smiles than I ever thought possible. My son actually goes more active around your voices and I know for a fact that both of you will continue to support me and my little family during the next year. I am so thankful for not only how close you are in location but how close we have grown over this last year.

To my weekly costa buddy, thank you! Thank you for being there every week regardless of how much I shut you out. Thank you for giving me rationalisation and encouragement whenever I have needed it. Thank you for our weekly chats about the most random pieces of facts and for our post Witcher season two rant.

Thank you to my three best friends for supporting me through another year. I know we haven’t spoke much and I probably hear from all of you once a month, but I know that you would all be there at the drop of a hat like you’ve proven time and time again. You girls are the best girls I could have ever asked for and here’s to another year of memories together.

Thank you to those that taught me well needed lessons. Thank you for showing me that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Thank you for hurting me and letting me see the reasons I needed too. Thank you for helping me see areas in my life that needed addressing and thank you for giving me the courage to push through even when I thought I was okay. Thank you to those that reached out this year, your words haven’t gone unnoticed. And thank you to every single person that left my life, it may not have been how I wanted, but I know our lives will be better for it.

Thank you to my beautiful children. Thank you to Luna who has sat with me and wiped my tears, thank you for the best cuddles and the most precious moments in my life. Thank you for encouraging me to become a better mother and a better person. Thank you for never giving up on me. And to my son who has yet to be born, thank you! Thank you for coming into my life and choosing me to be your mother. Thank you for being so active that I never feel alone. Thank you for reminding me not to close my heart off even when I’m hurting. Thank you for growing and surviving this long. I love you both more than you will ever know and I promise I will continue to make you both proud.

Lastly, I want to thank you, my readers. Thank you for sticking with me even though I have barely posted this year. Thank you for continuing to support me and for giving me a platform to post my thoughts and feelings. I am hoping to be back to my blogging self next year but having a new born will be a challenge especially with my adorable four year old. So hopefully, you will all continue to support me over 2022. As always you can find me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I am always just a message away, regardless of who you are. I never want anyone to feel alone in this world. And where ever you are, I hope you all continue to smile next year because the world needs your smiles especially during all the current negativity.

I never wanted to be like my mum…

Okay, I know that sounds really harsh, but hear me out. I grew up with a mother who was always around, just not really for me. Not because she didn’t love or care for me, but because I have brothers that needed her attention more. We’ve spoke about it a lot over the last few years and it’s brought us closer, but that’s only really since I became a mum myself.

I grew up in council houses, in a single parent background, with a mum who didn’t work because she wanted to be there as much as possible for us. We always had everything we needed, like new clothes for school, new shoes, and believe it or not, a lot of technology. I’ve grown up around technology, and from the age of like 13, I had a computer, a pink ps2, an Xbox 360 and my own virgin box. Maybe it was because it would be easier to keep me out of her way if I things to distract me, I don’t know. However, I grew up knowing that’s not how I wanted my children to live. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be like her. Yet I am.

I feel like a failure. I feel like it doesn’t matter what I start, I’m destined to fail. And it’s horrible. I was the first in my family to get into university… couldn’t complete my degree. I managed to finish college with a triple distinction however I’ve done nothing with it. The last job I had, I had to leave due to mental and physical illnesses and even when it comes to being a mother, post natal depression made sure that I felt like a failure.

I can’t work at the moment because emotionally I’m fucked. I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life and my novel has had 200 words written on it in the last two years. It’s depressing. And if I’m completely honest, it’s been getting to me for a while. And the other day I actually broke down to my mum about it. Not because I wanted her to feel bad that I didn’t want to be like her but because she’s my mum and she does listen to me without feeling the need to belittle my feelings.

My mum pointed out that I’m not a failure. I may feel like one, but that doesn’t make me one. Yes, I didn’t complete my law degree, but that doesn’t make me a failure. At the time of attending college, I finished my first year with the highest grade possible. In the summer before starting my second year, I was diagnosed with a life threatening disease. I battled that disease and managed to walk out of college with a triple distinction overall. That wasn’t failure. That was persistence. I managed to get the grades I needed to sit either a two year, a three year or a four year law course, the choice was mine. That wasn’t failing! I chose the four year course, I wanted to give myself the best chance with my illness as well. I finished my first year with an overall of a 2:1 and that was a very big thing for me as I was in and out of hospital. I essentially failed the second year of my degree, I couldn’t wrap my head around tort law and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t attend as much because of illness. That wasn’t me being a failure because I had a lot more on my plate than your average student. And when it comes to being a mother, my daughter is happy and healthy. She is loved and has rooms filled with toys, she has her own bedroom and a loving relationship with both of her parents.

That day, my mother pointed out that I was looking at what I considered to be my failures all wrong. Yes I failed my degree. That’s not a lie, but I managed to attend university to study a stressful degree with an illness that was made worse by stress. I was of high enough standard to get into university in the first place and I still pushed myself even when I probably shouldn’t have. I could have just sat back and not pushed myself, but I did because I wanted to be better. My daughter has a mum that would never give up, that tries to give her the very best I can and I’m always there for her, which is a lot more than some mothers. She pointed out that my blog is read around the world and that is something I should be proud of.

And that was the day that I realised although there’s certain aspects of my life that I don’t want to be like my mum, I’m thankful for what she has taught me. Because of her, I’m stubborn enough to not let things stop me from trying. Because of her, I’m hard enough on myself to keep trying. Because of her, I’m strong enough to battle every day even when I’m at my weakest. Because of her, I’m able to help other people push for their dreams. Because of her, I’m independent enough to live by myself without problems. I can cook, I can clean and I know what it’s like to run a home. She has taught me that I’m not too old to chase my dreams and that as long as my daughter is happy and healthy, that no amount of material goods will matter.

So no, I don’t want to be like my mother because I already am, but not in the areas I thought. Yes I’m a single mum, but that’s because I want to show her that you shouldn’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. Yes, she lives in a council property, but she has her own room and a safe place to call home. However I will continue to be my own strength and push myself when I have too. I will continue to bring my daughter up to be a strong and independent young lady and I will continue to love her unconditionally. I will be someone I can be proud of because I’m not really defined by what I failed, but I’m defined by what I’ve done. And yes I failed, yes I have given up on things but I’m also one of the strongest people my friends know or atleast that’s what they tell me. I may not have a career, I may not know what I’m meant to be doing with my life but I do know that I have a little lady that deserves the best role model so I won’t give up.

I may have depression and anxiety. I may have an eating disorder and BPD. I may have underlying health conditions and all of those may have affected where I am in my life, but that will never define me. And that’s thanks to my mum. She has pushed me to me better and is always harder on me than any of her other children. And that’s because she always wanted me to better than her, despite the fact she’s still a pretty incredible role model.

Thank you for reading my latest blog post, your continued support is incredible and I’m so thankful to each and every person that has read my blog and shared it. I’m thankful to the hundreds of people that follow it and give feedback. If you want to find out about any upcoming posts, or want to get in touch, you can find me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Don’t be afraid to reach out, I will always offer you support as you continue to support me. I hope you’re all having a great day and remember to keep your smile because it means something in this world.

As a first time mum…

When you become a mother and you have your very own precious little bundle of joy, you want to do everything to be the best possible mum you can, you just need to learn that it doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Mums are still human, even though we manage to survive on very little sleep, deal with toddler tantrums and eating habits that quite frankly get on your nerves. We push through pain and emotional problems and put them to one side whilst our children are awake and try to deal with everything those little terrors throw at us whilst at the same time teaching them lessons and ensuring they grow up to be positive members of the world we live in. We also find ourselves comparing our parenting to others around us and we shouldn’t because no two children are the same.

There are days where I am emotional and physically exhausted. I’m a single mother with a three year old, and she has a personality that matches my own. If you know me personally, you would know that for the majority of my life, I have been told that I have a massive attitude problem alongside resting bitch face. Well, that is one of the things that my darling daughter has inherited. And I couldn’t be happier because it means she wont let people push her around. She will have her own opinions and will strive to live outside the box. But, there are days where her sass just needs to be calmed.

I have found myself comparing myself to so many other mums that I know. Comparing how and what Luna should be doing at this age and it’s only recently that I have realised I shouldn’t. My daughter is thriving and that’s the only thing I need to remember. But I wouldn’t have been where I am mentally without finding one particular person on TikTok. It sounds strange when you say that you have found comfort in someone you’ve never met, that has helped you realised you’re not a shit mother, no matter how hard you may feel like you are. You’re not.

Every mother on this planet is going to have days where they feel like they are failing their kids. And if there’s a day like that for you, go and check out @shit_mums_club, because believe me, she will help you see that you aren’t failing. You are doing what you can. Your house doesn’t need to be a show home, you have children and they make a mess and when it gets to their bedtime, sometimes you’re too tired from dealing with them all day that you don’t have the energy to clean up from the toddler tornado you had ransacking your place. Your children need to bed, but don’t make yourself feel guilty because there wasn’t five different types of veg on their plate or the meat was from bag that you just popped in the oven.

Katie has honestly helped me out so much, watching her videos helps bring me back to the reality that Luna doesn’t need a perfect mum, but as long as she has clean clothes, food in her belly and is loved unconditionally that she is going to thrive. She has loads of toys that are helping her imaginative skills, she has plenty of books that she won’t read because she would rather make up her own stories. She is against mum shaming and she brought about the shit mums club. She’s not saying neglect your kids, get drunk and let them fend for themselves, she’s saying that you don’t need to be a perfect parent, you just need to be a parent. It should actually be called the normalised parents club because every story I’ve seen doesn’t make them shit mums or dads, it makes them normal and yet that’s scrutinised by the parents that are proper, live in show homes, feed their kids everything organic and never let anyone know they get angry at their kids.

She is all about bringing your children up your way, being there for other mothers and fathers without judgement and have a happy family home. She is normalising real life online and I am so thankful to have found her. I have spent hours killing myself over being a shit mum, over feeling like I am not good enough and that my daughter deserves better. She has made me feel like a human again. She is helping me each and every day and she’s never even met me. This is the type of influencer who deserves the recognition.

So the other day, my tiny little human hurricane, decided that three o’clock in the morning was the perfect time to get up and play with her toys. No child. It’s sleeping time. I gave her some juice, put her back into bed and told her to go to sleep. Over the course of an hour and a half, I had got up a further two more times to tell her to go to bloody sleep as mummy still needed sleep to deal with her. Well, that didn’t work so at about 5 o’clock, I gave her the tablet and told her to just relax and watch that because I knew she was tired just fighting it. Well I woke up properly at half 7. She was sound asleep and stayed that way until almost ten o’clock. I used to feel so guilty about palming her off with her tablet when I need time to myself but I have realised that Luna needs me to be sane or she wont benefit from it.

So to Katie, thank you! Thank you for making me feel like a decent mother. Thank you for helping me realise that it’s okay to not have a show home, to not be given her perfectly healthy meals every single night and for helping me find that time to myself is a good thing. Thank you for helping me become a better mother to my little lady and thank you for showing the world a normal family home. I may not be the world best mum, but I know, in the eyes of my little lady, I’m the best mum for her.

You can find her on twitter, instagram, tiktok, youtube and I really think if you’re a parent, you should check out her content. As always, thank you for reading my latest post, it really means a lot to me. You can head over to my twitter, facebook or instagram to keep in touch and find out about any upcoming blog pieces. I am trying to use the facebook page more along with instagram. I hope wherever you are in the world, that you’re having a good day and remember to keep smiling, because the world needs your smile in it.

Thank you Ashleigh! (Sorry it’s late)…

I know many of you would have come onto my blog recently because of my past two posts. I had wanted this post to come out first but I had a lot going on that I needed dealing with so I wrote to help myself and see if it would help others.

Recently, one of my girls started up a business doing designs and may I say she is incredibly talented and her prices are reasonable! She has been working hard and her efforts are impressive. I saw some of her work and wanted to see if she could do an updated logo for my blog and I was prepared to help out her starting business. She agreed to do it but refused to take any money for it because of how much my blog has helped her out in the past. I’m honoured and humbled by her every day. She makes me so proud not only as a mother but as a friend. She is a true blessing to have in my life.

The only description I gave her when it came to designing my new logo was that I wanted an open book with OpenUpWithMe on me. She took that brief and two days later presented me with the amazing logo I am now currently using. I was so blown away because not only did she design my logo, she created a video of the stages she took with designing it that brought my logo to life. If you want to see the video, head over to my Instagram page.

The finished project and I am so proud of the work she put in.

If you need or want any designs, I would recommend her 1000000%! if you want to check out her Facebook Page, Twitter or Instagram, click those links. You will not be disappointed. Thank you Ashleigh, because I truly love it. You made a small idea come to life and I love you for it!

Thank you to everyone who has read my review, don’t forget to head over and check out her links. If you have any businesses you’d like me to review, you can get in touch via Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. I’d love to hear from you. I hope where ever you are in the world, you are having a good day and don’t forget to keep smiling and stay safe. Until next time.

Blogging Goals for 2021…

All statistics were correct at the time of writing. However was published two days after.

Welcome back to a typical post that I do every year. Last year I set myself 6 goals that I wanted to aim for and it’s safe to say that I have exceeded most of my goals and I am so beyond thankful for all the love and support you readers have given me. Again, I will be setting myself pretty much the same goals, with a few exceptions.

1. My first goal last year was to reach 50 people on my blogging page on facebook. You can find it by clicking here! If you haven’t already, make sure to give it a like to keep updated. I want to thank everyone of the 86 people that have liked it so far! You are all amazing and I appreciate the support.
2. I wanted to beat my number of views in a day and it’s safe to say that I beat it! Not only did I beat it once, but I actually beat it three times in the space of a few weeks.
3. I wanted to beat my yearly number of views. In my first blogging year, (August to December 2018), I had 844 views and I was so surprised to see that what I had to say was viewed so many times. Especially considering it wasn’t a full year. Last year, which was my first full year blogging, I racked up an impressive 1835 views! That’s an increase of 117%! This year I’ve managed to rack up about 90% more views compared to last year and I am honestly surprised.
4. I reached well over 1000 visitors! I’m up 124% compared to last year and it’s all thanks to you amazing readers. So thank you! I appreciate every view, every like and every comment. You help me continue my love of writing.
5. I didn’t manage to blog every other day. Maybe I was pushing the boat out on that one, but I tried. I think I’ll stick to goals that I can achieve for next year.
6. So last year I had 78 followers directly linked to my blog, and one connected via their email. Well, as it stands right now, I beat my target of 100, I managed to almost double it! I now have 146 followers and 6 connected via their emails! So thank you to everyone who decided that my blog was worth following!

This years goals!

1. I want to see if I can achieve 150 people liking my facebook page dedicated to my blog. I am so proud of how far I have come and just want to keep growing.
2. My second goal is to see if I can get over 150 views in a day. I only recently managed to get 114 so, its a bit of an increase but hopefully manageable.
3. I want to blog at least once a week. I really hope I can manage that atleast and with Luna at her dads every weekend, I am confident in myself that it’s an achievable goal.
4. I want to make sure that my views and visitors keep rising. I want to keep putting out engaging posts and have the help of you all alot more this year. I mean I’ve started doing polls on facebook and twitter, which have received more engagement than any year previous so I want to continue to do that.
5. By the end of the year, I want to give back something to my amazing readers. I haven’t quite figured out what that is going to be yet, but I have a few plans in my head!

When I first started blogging, I did it because I needed a release. I had so many things going on that putting the words down to paper, so to speak actually helped me come to terms with some of the things I was and still am going through. However, I didn’t think it would ever reach the levels it currently has. I imagined my close family and friends reading it, but yet my blog has been read in so many different countries. I also never imagined that I would have so many people reach out to me telling me how the words I chose to put into a post have helped them.

I never imagined that I would have people I haven’t spoke to in years, message me saying that a certain post about mental health, helped them on their darkest days. I have had people message me saying how my blog has given them hope on their darkest days. So, what started out as a way to help me, has turned into my helping a whole list of people. Most bloggers give up within the first few months, however I have kept at it, because you readers keep me wanting to write.

I never said I could write, hell, I sit their and scrutinise everything I write, to the point that plenty of the posts I write, never make it out of the drafts. But there are some posts that were so easy to write, that I never thought of picking at it with a fine tooth comb, and those are the posts that I felt I needed to write. It’s actually quite rare for me to sit and plan out my blog posts, however I want to plan more.

So whether you are new to my journey or been here since my blog started, thank you. You give me a reason to set goals. You give me support that keeps me pushing to write more. I truly appreciate your encouragement and views, and I know I say it a lot but you help me to do what I love.

I hope where ever you are in the world, that you are smiling and setting yourself goals for the new year. I hope you all are happy and healthy and enjoying each and every day as it comes.

100 Blog Posts!

Today marks my 100th blog post for OpenUpWithMe and I thought I’d use this post to celebrate.

I’ve come a long way since I started writing back in semi consistently back in 2018. I have covered a range of topics from mental health, being a first time mum as well as my own personal battles and accomplishments. I had the absolute privilege to interview one of my favourite upcoming singer/songwriters as well as creating fun lists that just distract my mind a little. I’ve covered many issues that are prominent in a life filled with BPD and still manage to take time to process it all.

In the last few years, I’ve come a long way emotionally and mentally but still have far to go. I’ve taken small steps and overcome things I thought I wouldn’t. And I’ve lost people I thought I would have had in my life forever.

I gained and lost one of my best friends. And even though that hurt and cut deep, I wont continue to be upset about it. Because even though they are no longer in my life, I am more thankful for them than many others I have lost over the two years. Without them, this blog wouldn’t be what it is today because I wouldn’t have been holding on for the possibility of a brighter future. I owe them so much, and there will always be a space for them in my life because I owe them it. They talked me down from suicide, spent hours on the phone to me, trying to distract me from the negatives and spent hours texting me so that I never felt alone. So thank you!

I’ve had some of highest highs and the lowest lows and it was always my best friends that picked me up and helped me see sense. I am truly lucky to have so many people looking out for me. I am lucky to have so many people to turn to in my lowest times, even if I don’t when I know deep down I should.

In almost two years, I have had some amazing feedback, and created bonds that go beyond just writing. I have been fortunate enough to inspire so many others to write their own journeys, to piece together their own feelings and to put pen to paper and write what they know. I have had countless people write to me, expressing how I’ve helped them and that they are thankful I’m writing because I have found the words to say when they couldn’t. I now have over 115 followers, over 3900 views and more than 2000 visitors. My words have been viewed in countries around the world by people I have never met. My blog wont ever be the biggest or most popular but I have helped more people than I thought I would and that has been my greatest reward. The stats don’t matter unless my words mean something to someone.

When I first started this blog, it was to process my thoughts and feelings and now its turned into something more. I have been planning blog posts, thinking of ideas and trying to make my blog something more. I love writing, its one of the best ways I found of expressing the things that I have trouble saying. Last year, I saved up to pay for my own website and to try and make it even bigger, however I feel like a part of me done it prematurely. And as of August this year, this sites domain will change back to the original one.

Thank you to every single reader. To every person that has been in touch and to every person that has followed me and pushed me to write more, thank you. Thank you to every single person that has sat up with me and been there when I’ve had trouble writing. Thank you to the few people that I love more because they have pushed me and each every day.

As this blog piece comes to an end, my blog however will continue. I will continue to write pieces and find ways to keep pushing on with all this craziness. If anyone wants to get in touch, you can find me on twitter, facebook and Instagram. I’ll answer any time of day because every single person in this world matters. I hope where ever you are in the world, you’re happy and healthy. So until the next time, I hope that no matter what, you never lose your smile.