Don’t trust a fuck boy…

Okay, so clearly I know that it’s not just boys that fuck with peoples emotions. Girls are just as capable to do it too. But firstly, I’ve never dated a fuck girl so I can’t comment on them, and most of my friends that are currently falling for the traps are coming from experiences with guys, so as I can relate to them, I will. I also know that not every guy is a fuck boy, that’s because there are a lot of men out there, but I’m not talking about them. This post is specifically about the boys posing as men.

We all know the type of immature men that come into our inboxes and promising us the world only to ghost us when they don’t get what they want, but then they also ghost you when they get exactly what they want because the truth is, they used you for an ego trip. They needed to feel better and you were collateral damage. They are the types of people that can’t commit, even though they promise you they will. They pretend to care for all the uses that they need and then drop you. This leaves you feeling emotional and unwanted. It makes you believe you were a toy for them and that you aren’t worthy… the truth is, that is complete bull! They are the ones that aren’t worthy. They are the ones who are immature and shouldn’t be going near anyone unless they truly wanted it. They are the ones that believe their own lies so much that you fall for them to. Now to my girls that continue to fall for this B.S, listen to me. You are worth more than that! You are Queens who were not put on this Earth to be an ego trip for the likes of them. You deserve better!

Over my many years of falling into the traps of dating boys instead of men, I’ve learned a few things. And it’s things that you really need to pay attention too, because it will save you a lot of heartache down the line. They say many things but their actions will contradict. It’s so easy to fall for it, because of how often they do it to other people. And you are worth more than that!

Phrases they will use to start to build that “bond” with you and I’m going to talk to you about the main phrases in great detail. The first one being You can trust me. Most boys, will want you to trust them without every giving you any reason to trust them. They say this because if they can make you feel comfortable with telling them anything, you’re less likely to notice when they change. They use this because by allowing yourself to trust them, they get close enough to hurt you even if you don’t want them too.

I promise I will always be here. They say this because they want you to believe they are in it for the long haul. They want you to believe that they will stick around when things get tough. This way, you let your guard down a little which makes it easier for them to worm their way in. They know that by saying things like this, you’re more likely to be open with them and as soon as you start opening up, they can start to take advantage of it.

You’ve changed my life. This is a classic! They will always tell you that you’ve changed their life even if you’ve only been talking for a short while. They will say things like, you’ve made me so happy over the last insert time frame here, that they never want to lose you. They do this because it’s the easiest way for you to believe you mean something to them. But I can assure you, they will disappear as quickly as they came because you didn’t change anything and you didn’t really make them happy. You just entertained them at a time they were feeling low.

We want the same things. They say they want the same things as you and chances are you told them what you wanted first. Chances are, you spilled your heart out to them about what you want from your future, and they agree with you so that you believe you’re on the same page. You aren’t. You’re not even reading the same book! The best way to figure the lies out from the truth is to ask them questions. Ask their deepest fears and their biggest dreams. It’s very rare that someone can lie about their insecurities and if they do, you deserve better than that.

It’s not just about sex. Of course it isn’t… until you give it to them. They will try their luck as much as they can, and if they believe you’re not going to give in and give them sex, they drop you like a piece of rubbish and move along. This is because it was about the sex. They wanted sex and hoped that they could worm their way in to the point you would feel comfortable enough to allow them into your bed. Do not do it! If you have any suspicions about them, make them wait! And if they can’t wait, they never truly wanted anything more than for you to be a notch on their bed post.

I’m not a jealous person but… Of course they aren’t jealous. Why would they need to be jealous, they don’t actually care. They tell you this because they think that if you believe they don’t want anyone else, you’ll believe that you going near anyone else will drive them wild. It doesn’t. They simply say it because it gives the impression that you are the only one they’re talking too. You’re not. I can lay money down on their being multiple girls.

You deserve better than what you’re going through. They say this to get in that pretty little head of yours. They make you believe that you deserve the world. They make you believe that whoever is making you feel low, isn’t worth it because it gives them more of a chance to get what they want. It gives them the upper hand by you believing that this person will be a better match for you, only to drop you after you’ve fulfilled your purpose in their life.

I want you. This isn’t technically a lie. They do want you. But they don’t want your heart or mind. They want your vagina. They want your attention. They want to know they can still pull someone without really trying. They say this to make you feel special and like you mean something. When the truth is, their want is temporary. It will flutter past like a butterfly and die just as quickly. As soon as you give them what they want, they’re out of here like a 6 in cricket.

I need you. This is another half truth. They do need you. They need you for a lift to make them feel better. They need you to stroke their ego and give them some worth. They need you to fill a hole that isn’t be filled because the truth is, they have the personalities of douche bags so they don’t ever find someone who would stick around. And even when they do, they’re too busy treating them like shit to notice how much you truly care.

If they only give you attention late at night, this is also a dead give away. It means they have a partner who’s asleep next to them so they can get away with talking, or they’re literally bored and just after nudes. Do not give into them. If they can’t compliment your mind and looks, they don’t get to compliment your body. Plus, they generally just want wanking material because they are sick of porn and want a real body to look at. You are worth more than just what is beneath your clothes.

Even if with all these phrases, knowing them and knowing why they do it, they also have that killer charm. They can talk their way into your mind by “being a friend” without actually ever wanting friendship. Most fuck boys will make you feel important for a short time before their attention is diverted to other girls that are putting up more of a chance, less likely to fall and just give them sex or throw themselves into their work as an excuse to stop themselves feeling guilty about the lies they tell you.

As soon as they know you’ve fallen for the bullshit, they become distant because it’s getting too real. They know they have you right where they want you and then that’s where the ghosting comes in, until whatever else had their attention gets boring and they come right back to you. They don’t really care about your feelings, because if they did, they wouldn’t treat you this way. But what they care about is getting what they want. They are so skilled at it, that you don’t realise the lies you’ve fallen for until it’s too late.

Any person that is truly interested in you, will never leave you questioning your worth. They will message you and let you know when they are thinking of you, because they genuinely miss you and want you to know that no matter where you are, you’re never far from their mind. They will make small promises to begin with, to show you that they really feel something for you before working up to the bigger ones. They spoil you with love because seeing you smile is the greatest thing about their day. These are the people you need to wait for. They are the ones that leave you with butterflies in your stomach and a giddiness in your heart. They are the ones that will show their affection for you at every given moment. And it is out there, you just got to wait for it.

If you believe that the person you are talking to isn’t being sincere, then give them 48 hours. Don’t message them first. Don’t give them all your attention. If they pick up on it or even send you a message asking what’s up as you’re never normally this quiet, then chances are, they notice the small things. If someone can go days without giving you attention, it’s because their attention is elsewhere. If they can’t make time for you, it’s because in their eyes, you aren’t worth their time. You are worth more than these types of people. You deserve happiness and love. You deserve someone who is all about you! Know your worth! Because the ones that know it too, are the ones that will make all the difference.

Thank you for reading my post. I know it’s not the nicest of topics, but I’m watching too many girls get their hearts crushed over guys who aren’t worth it. I’ve watched too many girls fall for the same guys bullshit and it’s time they started to realise that they are the ones in control. So own it. I hope where ever you are in the world, that you are smiling and you’re having a good day because you all deserve happiness in life.

What being a mother to a daughter has taught me so far…

It’s funny. I’ve been a female for 27 years and yet somehow my daughter is still finding ways to teach me. Each and every day, I am learning more about being a parent but also about myself as a person.

For those of you who don’t know, I am the mother to a three year old little lady who has a bigger attitude than you can possibly imagine, who has more sass than she has vocabulary and who brightens each and every day. She carries the biggest smile along with a huge heart and cuddles that are my entire world.

I look at my daughter and I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to hurt her, to break her little heart and make her world crumble. In my eyes, she will always deserve the very best. She deserves to know true friendship and real love. She deserves to have a family that adores her and a happy home. And I am honestly dreading the day her world comes crashing down because of friendship or a guy and I ended up thinking about what I want for her.

Why is it that I have such high expectations for how she is treated yet I have so low standards for myself? I think about how little confidence I have in myself and how badly I allow myself to be treated for many different reasons. When did I become someone I didn’t want my daughter to be? How can I teach her to love herself when I can’t? How can I encourage her to believe in herself when I’m showing her how little I believe in me? Why am I setting her future bar so low? Why do I allow myself to feel horrible and guilty about myself and who I am, when I want her to love herself more than anything on this planet?

I can’t. I can’t allow my daughter to grow up and have my standards! She deserves so much better than the life I chose for myself. I think back to how I’ve been treated by people who claimed to love me and I seriously hope that she never has to experience anything close to the shit hands I got dealt. I think about how I look in the mirror and the person who looks back, repulses me. If I could, I’d have so many things differently, but I can’t change my past. I can however aspire to be the woman that sets Luna’s bar so high that she gets the best.

I think about how she’s going to have moments that define her life, I think about how my mother handled mine and through her mistakes, I will ensure that Luna won’t become a victim to it. My daughter has beautiful curly blondish brown hair, she has my big brown eyes and a smile that gives people the impression that butter wouldn’t melt… it doesn’t but it does bloody sizzle. I want her to be strong enough that she can survive everything, not because she has no other choice but because she was brought up to take the world by it’s horns. I want her to be stubborn enough to not settle. Not in love, not in friendships and certainly not in her dreams. I want her to know that anything is possible in this life, for as long as she truly believes in it. I want her to believe in magic and fairies. I want her to experience finding her soul mate, not in a guy but in a best friend that will never leave her side. I want her to experience everything she possibly can but for her to believe in that world, I need to show her that world.

I refuse to settle anymore. I want to achieve my dream of writing a novel and I’m slowly getting there. I want to love myself as much as I want Luna to love herself. I want to want as much from myself as I want Luna to get from her. I want to be the reason she doesn’t let any person take anything from her. I want to be the role model I wish I had. And that starts with looking at my own troubles and facing them. It means raising my standards and not settling for anything less. It means walking away from the negative and doubtful and pushing for the positive and better. I don’t want to have Luna become me because I stopped putting myself above crap.

My daughter has taught me more about being a better woman than she has about parenting. Don’t get me wrong, parenting is hard and none of us get it right, but being her role model is something I am determined to get right. I started with picking one hell of a guy to be her father, one that like me, will never give up on her, that will continue to want the best for her and will support her each and every day. For someone who usually has bad taste in men, he is one that I definitely got right. I know that even on the hardest days of being a parent, they are so worth it because I am raising someone worthy of diamonds! I know what unconditional love is because even when I have to deal with my attitude coming out of a three year old, I still love her and would do absolutely everything for her. And I intend to start now. I intend to show her that healthy relationships exist. That happiness can be found everywhere if you know where to look. I intend to show her that self care is the best thing you can ever do for yourself!

To my one and only, my promise to you is to be better, to be stronger, to be happier, to be less like a doormat. I promise to find something about myself that is positive each and every day. I promise to love myself like I love you. I promise to hold myself to higher standards. I promise to never let a guy break me again. I promise that you will be my motivation everyday to be the role model you deserve. I promise to be there for myself like I intend to be there for you and I promise to take more time focusing on myself and less on those that don’t deserve it. But lastly, I promise that there will never be a day that you don’t feel like your worthy of everything because you are. I love you Luna!

Thank you to everyone who has read today’s blog post. I have recently been spending more time taking care of myself and less time focusing on what doesn’t matter and I realised that I needed to get some things off my chest, to act as my reminder that in my daughters eyes, I deserve better. Thank you for your support, remember, if you want to get in touch or keep up to date on any blog related posts, such as sneak peaks into topics or just have some things on your mind and you need someone to talk to, find me on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. I hope wherever you are in the world, you’re smiling because there is nothing else like it.

Lets talk about change…

The same people that called me self-centred, shallow, and superficial are the ones obsessed with reality tv and what their favourite celebrity is doing next, however there are plenty of bigger issues in the world. Issues that get ignored and downgraded. Ones that get tossed aside until the problem has escalated to an extreme that may or may not be reversible.

I tend to avoid the news or news programmes because they just frustrate me. Not only do you have the likes of Piers Morgan sprouting his utter bollocks and claiming to speak on behalf of a nation… that same nation that he sits on his horse and judges, the same nation that he slates and undermines in every opportunity. Now, he can have opinions all he likes, hell i’d embrace his opinions if he actually presented them like a civiliased person and not an emotionless robot. I also watched some show presented by Victoria Derbyshire where she was having a ‘conversation’ with an MP that was going for leadership… It was tragic on both parts and I couldn’t actually believe that these two people were getting paid to have this chat on live air. It was a disaster and I learned nothing except the MP is a douche and couldn’t stand by any statements in typical political fashion and the presenter lost control of her interview which made me cringe.

I got various news websites up to have a look at what the current issues were today and oh my goodness. They are as much of a joke as this country is turning too. I suppose it makes sense that the next PM we have, will be a clown. Over the majority of news websites that I looked at, the biggest headlines were to do with the police being called to Boris Johnsons flat because of an argument and Trump trying to start yet another war. Neither, in my opinion should be headlined news. I am not going to say that I could do a better job, but I’d like to think that in such a confusing time, the news channels would be doing a better job at presenting more reasons to smile than reasons to question reality. Do I honestly care that Boris Johnson had police called to his flat because of an argument with his mrs? No. It doesn’t concern me.

Im concerned about the hundreds of people that sleep on the street with no roof over their heads. I’m concerned about the thousands of people that are living in situations that are truly questionable of their human rights. I’m concerned about the ones that go to bed cramped and scared because life is hard. I care about the thousands of peoples that are suffering with poor health, both physical and mental that are being ignored. I’m concenred about a country that cares more about what the richest 5% are doing than the poorest 20%. I’m concerned about the education system that we trust our most precious people in. The same education system that fails everyone if they don’t fit a certain criteria. I’m concerned about the issues we ignore!

We live in a world where women are criticised for how we look and what we wear, instead of teaching boys and men to respect womens minds. We live in a world where is so much easier to point the finger than accept responsibility and make the changes. We live in a world where no doesn’t mean no, where no just means not yet. We live in a world where you are slightly different, you’re less of a person and that’s not acceptable. It’s not acceptable that we say things like “boys will be boys” or “men should be strong”. It’s not acceptable that we look down on people because they come from a single parent background or on benefits.

As a society, we are not acceptable. But as a society, it’s us who needs to stand up and make the changes. We elect the MPS that sit on the government that runs our country. We raise our issues and we have our voices! Start using them for things that matter. For issues that matter. Stand up for the little people that haven’t quite found their voices. Stand up for those who voices are drowned out by people who think they know better. Stand up for the sick and elderly. Stand up for your families and friends. Every single person on this planet has the capability to make a change. Stop spreading hate, embrace people for who they are but don’t accept that its all they will ever be. Stop focusing on celebrity news and culture and embrace your own. Embrace your lives and make changes to make your lives better. If you have issues with the world, don’t wait for someone else to start the fight, start it yourself and get others involved. As a society, we are failing. Embrace those that dare to be different and stand alongside those that want to speak out. Because otherwise, the voices that were gifted to each and everyone of us, are going to waste.

For a while, I forgot I had a voice. I let so many of my issues go unheard and then I thought, well screw you. I’m important too and what I say matters. I mean sure, I’m one person. But this one person, has 42 followers directly to this blog and over 400 followers on twitter. That’s over 400 sets of ears that could read this and if one person shares it, then the possible audience will just grow because that is the power of social media. That is the power we have as a society, so why don’t we use it?

 

Thank you for reading. I know I’ve been a bit distant recently, but I promise to blog more. After all, my voice needs to be heard one way or another. I hope you all have an amazing weekend. Follow me on Twitter and Insta @OpenUpWithMe and head over to my facebook page by searching ‘openupwithmeblog’. Until the next time, keep smiling. Ferrari. ❤️

Self-Harm

I want you to know before you read this blog post, that it does contain some very sensitive topics. There is a massive trigger warning coming with this post. But after the month that I have had, I really wanted to write this. Not for attention but for closure.

How selfish must people be to turn around tell someone who has self-harmed how wrong and pathetic it is? How righteous do you feel about yourself knowing, that the second you stared to pick on what they did, you put them in a position to want to do it again? How good did it make you feel, knowing the second you called them an idiot without listening to why? Did it make you feel like you achieved something by picking on someone who clearly needs help and not judgement?

There are people all over this planet that will say that those that self harm, do it for attention. That, cutting themselves is them acting immaturely to the greater world. That, harming themselves is pathetic and cowardly. It’s not. It’s not the right thing to do but it doesn’t make you immature or pathetic. Yes, you need attention, but you need the right attention. Not to the fact that you’ve harmed yourself, more to why you took to causing yourself pain when you “have people around”.

If you were to ask anyone of my friends, they will all sit there and tell you how strong I am, how whenever I am having a bad day, that I just get over it and don’t let it get to me. The truth is, I am that girl! I will always be a fighter and I will always fight for myself, my views and my daughter. I will always be strong for her! But that doesn’t mean that I am always that girl. Especially not now. That girl lives in me, and she is there but right now, she isn’t the person I see when I look into a mirror. I don’t see strength right now, I see weakness. I don’t see determination, I see failure. I see someone look back at me that isn’t the happy, bubbly girl I would be described as. Instead, I’m greeted by eyes that look dead, a swollen face and a broken mind. I’m greeted by someone who has lost over a quarter of her body weight because she doesn’t physically want to eat. I physically force myself to eat to throw it back up within an hour.

Statics regarding self-harm are so rare because very few people own up and get help. There are many different types and not all of them require hospitalisation. Within the last 6 months, I’ve displayed more than one type of self-harm. Yes, I have taken a sharp instrument to my skin in order to cause myself pain. Hell, I bite my nails and still managed to cause myself to bleed when I scratch myself. Yes, I have thrown my fists against a wall in order to cause myself pain. (I’d rather hit a wall and lose a bit of blood than hit the people causing me pain and risk losing my daughter.) But, not once, in all the times I’ve hurt myself was I doing it to end my life, nor was I doing it for attention. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts but there is a one year old that gives me more strength than she will ever know. Sometimes its easy and others, it takes every bit of strength I have, not to lose it yet I still do.

In the last year, I have hurt myself in ways that I shouldn’t have. I’ve caused myself pain and suffering because the pain in my head wasn’t real. Because society, make you feel like your mental health, doesn’t suffer and doesn’t experience pain. They would rather have you believe that those that self-harm are doing it because they want attention. If I wanted attention, the day I sliced my wrist up, I would have come straight into the room where there was at least 7 people who would have given me attention for it. I didn’t. I came in, got a cigarette and smoked it. If I wanted attention, I’d have told everyone that I was doing it. But the truth is, I didn’t know I was going to do it until I hit the floor and couldn’t cope with everything that was going on in my head. I needed that pain, to be real. To know that even though I felt weak, it was because of the pain on my arm and not the fact that I am suffering. I have been saying all year that I’m not okay, I’ve taken steps in order to get it back but there’s a process that takes time. And until that gets started, I’m not going to magically wave a wand and be better. I’ve been screaming out for help and it didn’t work so I hurt myself because I needed too. Not to end my life, not to cause pain and hurt to the people I love, no, I did it because I needed to feel real pain. Pain that was physical. Pain that was visible. Pain that couldn’t be denied.

I did it a week ago and it took three or four days for people to notice. I didn’t hide it because I needed to see it as a reminder that pain is real. But they didn’t ask why or if I was okay. Nope. They just wanted to tell me that I’m an idiot and I was wrong for doing it. Believe it or not, and I know this may come as a shock to some people, but I am aware of the pain I caused on myself. That’s why I did it. I know causing myself an injury doesn’t make me smart or cool, but it helped. Because at that moment, it was real and yes it hurt like a bitch and stung like hell, but it was real. I know it wasn’t smart, but it also wasn’t permanent. I managed to fight off the suicide and settle for pain. I wanted to end it all and I didn’t I chose to just settle for the pain that would come of it. I did it, because at that point, I was alone and weak. I didn’t do it, so you could all feel sorry for me, I did it because nobody listened to me when I said I was in pain, nobody heard me when I said I was struggling. Then when I finally did something to try and relieve some of the pain in my head to something visible, I just get told it’s self-inflicted and that its pathetic.

But do you want to know what’s pathetic? The fact that I have so many “friends and family” around me yet I feel alone and isolated. I have people around me and I can’t open up to them without their criticization or undermining how I feel. I can’t talk to the people I love the most without them taking it personally and attacking me. That’s what’s pathetic. The fact that I suffer in silence because everyone around me would rather point out what’s wrong with how I feel than understanding that things aren’t okay. They would rather pretend that I am a bad person than remember that right now I need support and understanding not victimisation. I don’t need to be told what’s wrong because my head does that more than you possibly could.

Now, this isn’t a bashing. In the last month, I have been going further and further down, in the last month, so many people have played their hand in helping make sure that I stay down, yet I have a few people that work so hard to pick me up every time I fall. I have people that spend hours trying to get me to crack a smile, to laugh even slightly. They are the same people that don’t ask what’s wrong because I wont just come out and say it, they ease me into it and let me open up without pressure. The same people that have sat and watched me cry are the ones that gave me a tissue and held me while I did so.

This isn’t me saying that self-harming is acceptable because in an ideal world, mental health would be regarded as just health and wouldn’t be looked at in such a negative view. People that self-harm aren’t some strange aliens from out of space, they don’t conform to a specific stereotype and come in so many shapes and sizes. Just because someone has scars on their wrist, doesn’t make them a bad person, it means that there was a time where they were alone and isolated and tried to scream out but couldn’t so took the pain out on themselves. They feel that they are a burden and don’t want to put that burden on to anyone else. Those people are the ones that are suffering in silence and would rather take it out on themselves than let people in. Our brains fight against us. They magnify and blur everything, so you don’t see what’s real and what isn’t, it makes it so that you can only focus on the negatives because the positives are spun that way.

What I want from this post, isn’t people to message me saying that they are here if I need them. I want them to go to people that they know are suffering and just aim to make them smile. Because one smile at a low point can change an entire day. I want them to stop looking at people with scars and cuts as aliens and start treating them as people. Stop pointing out how stupid or pathetic you think they are for what they did. But encourage them to keep fighting. To help them when they are low and to make sure that if they are suffering, they have you there just, so they don’t suffer alone. Had anyone been with me when I was alone and weak, I wouldn’t have felt the need to hurt myself. But I was alone. I was physically and emotionally isolated. I was barricaded behind the thoughts that were controlling me. And that wasn’t me.

I am not the person who hides away and cries in a corner. I am not the person who lets pain and suffering define who I am. I will be that person again, it will just take time and patience. But you can believe me when I say, those that have made me feel worse for cutting myself or punching walls, are the ones that won’t be coming into next year. Next year, I don’t want to be the shell of the person I once was, I want to be the person I am. The person I am meant to be. And I will get there. But if you aren’t supporting me, then please don’t say anything. I don’t need to be surrounded by negativity, I do however need to be surrounded by those that love and support me. Those that understand that, even though right now I am in a dark place, I am still me! One day I will be strong and stubborn again, one day I will be determined and courageous, and that one day will happen soon. But, if you played even a slight part in keeping me down, then I wont ever give you that chance again.

Every time you want to cut yourself. Do these four steps. Sometimes they help straight away and other times, they distract your mind long enough for you to get a message or a sign that you’re gonna be okay.

You are not your scars. Your scars don’t define who you are. And your pain does matter. And I know it’s hard. Because I’m still battling to get back to where I was. But I also know that the pain will go and happiness and love will take its place. ❤️

It’s not the victims fault. It’s ours for failing them.

I’ve read so many things recently that really got to me. And I’m not sure if it’s because I am a sensitive soul (I know so many people who would disagree with that but hear me out.) in the sense that I really get attached to things easily. Like things hurt my feelings a lot more than they we a “normal” person. And it annoys me.

So we all know about the case in Ireland right? The one where knickers were used as a form of consent. If you haven’t, I suggest giving it a read. I’ll post the link below. Well so many people were taking pictures with their underwear stating how it clearly wasn’t consent. (I will get into that shortly.) Today, I read a story about a guy who wants to claim that BDSM (or whatever else it’s called) is the reason we have rape.

So far, that’s two different stories about why rape happened. As opposed to actually blaming the rapists, members of society want to blame the victims. The people that didn’t agree to being sexually advanced towards, that didn’t agree to be assaulted. Those people that live every day with a fear that it could happen again. You want to blame those people?

What a girl is wearing, is no more consent than the hairstyle she has or the make up she uses. No that isn’t consent. So what she wants to wear skirts or shorts. She might feel really good about her legs, but that’s not an invitation to abuse her trust. So what, she has some cleavage on show, if she has them she should wear what she wants.

I know guys who wear the TIGHTEST skinny jeans I have ever seen in my life, because they make their ass look good. I know guys who buy tops a size too small or a slim fitted top because they spent hours on their body in order to feel good about them selves. But they don’t get blamed for being assaulted because it’s described as “boys instinct”.

In a school uniform, girls are sexualised. You are sent home; if your shirt is too tight, if you’re wearing too much makeup, if your nails are a bright colour all because they are a distraction. Not from you learning but from others. Because boys will not be punished for looking at you instead of doing their work. It’s the girls that suffer because they wanted to brighten up their life with a bit of pink nail varnish, because they wore a bright coloured bra and that’s apparently unacceptable. Not the fact that shirts that are worn by school kids are see through but the girls fault for wearing a colour that would attract attention.

No! That is not acceptable. I got sent home for having a top over my shirt. Because it wasn’t school uniform. But the jumpers they had made me skin crawl as I won’t wear wool, it makes my teeth grind together. So I went with a black top. And got sent home. That’s a joke. Not gonna complain at the time because I got a day off school but it’s a joke.

I know guys and girls who like to enjoy their sex life on the wilder side. Doesn’t mean they want or deserve to be raped because it’s not what they agreed to. That’s done between partners that have agreed and consented. That is completely different to having sex with someone who hasn’t given consent.

Instead, look at the boys that are pinging bra straps after the girl has asked them to stop. Don’t say oh that’s just boys being boys but expect a law suit when you’re older. No. Say it’s wrong. It’s unwanted. And their body is their right. You have no right, nor a reason to violate their body. Instead of looking at the girls saying their underwear was enticing, ask the guys why they clearly didn’t wait for consent. Look at the guys that think the drunker the bird, the easier the bang. Look at the guys who think it’s okay to sexualise things we know are wrong. And look at the people passing it off as boys being boys.

It’s not the guys fault when society as a whole blame the people who need their support. It’s societies. It’s the people that think it’s okay to intrude someone’s personal temple because they decided they wanted them then and there. No. That’s not okay. Being drunk, isn’t an excuse either. Being drunk is not consent.

Do you want to know what consent is? It’s a verbal yes! When you get older, and you get into contracts, you are told that silence is not acceptance. You need verbal or written confirmation. It’s knowing and understanding what you are getting yourself in for.

As a child you are taught that no, means no. And yes means yes. No doesn’t mean yes and silence doesn’t mean yes. So why forget that?

Do you realise how much we put victims through? I say we as the whole of society even though I’d like to think I wasn’t included. Do you realise how much fear can live in someone that’s abused? Do you know how many issues those people then go on to have? How is that fair? How is it fair that as a society, we blame the people that had their trust broken? Who do they look to then? Because society has already shunned them. It’s not their fault. It’s ours. So it’s time we as a society changed that.

Sorry guys. I needed to rant. I said I’d write about things I’m passionate about. So I did. And as promised, the link about the underwear being used as evidence. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46207304. As always, thank you for reading. ❤️