Hey guys, bit of a confusing title right? Well firstly I want to say thank you to every single person who is reading this post, after over a year hiatus, I still seem to have some followers on here. I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while, I will get to why but for now I want to say that writing is still a massive part of my life, even if I don’t do it as much as I used too. If you’ve been following this blog since before my hiatus, you’ll know that I always seem to put myself last, and despite saying I will change that, I don’t think I really have all that much. I want to try and change that. I want to write more but that means being more open and there’s still many parts to my life that I can’t share right now, however there are many other things I want to write about. I want to continue with my writing and even though it’s hard, I want to try and write one blog post each week. Providing my attempts aren’t in vain, I should have 52 new posts for you. They will generally be posted at 7PM GMT on a Sunday but we will see how much I can actually stick to that.
Secondly I’ll be saying goodbye to 2023 and what a way to come back, aye. This year has been so different. It’s been filled with highs and lows and I will be going through some of them with you in this post. There are things and people that I have welcomed into my life this year as well as things and people that I said goodbye too. If you know me, then you’ll know that yes saying goodbye hurts, but in 9 out of 10 times, I will be stronger for it.
I know I haven’t written in a very long time, but the truth is, I couldn’t. I couldn’t write about what was happening, I couldn’t write about my mental health because it was linked in with things I couldn’t talk about. See the truth is, this year was filled with so many secrets which would destroy too many lives. Secrets that even now, I wish I could share but I can’t. The fact that my writing became controlled and I had to watch what I said, made me not want to write. I couldn’t write because I wasn’t free to write what I wanted, and that broke me. It broke my confidence in my words and my feelings. It broke my mental health because I had no release. I felt like a puppet being manipulated to suffer in silence, to go with the motions and to explode alone. Although, I still can’t really go into details about some things, there is so much that I can still write about, and maybe one day I’ll finally be free to write everything but until then, I’ll write about what I can.
So, 2023 is almost over. There’s a few hours left or at least there will be by the time this post goes out and I want to write a summary of this year. Loads happened and I want to share it with all my readers, new and old.
January… after last year, I wasn’t expecting much however it surprised me. Life surprised me, somehow. I started the year off in a way I never expected and then it went on for ages. It was a positive thing at the time but it became very complicated and very messy. And to remember the person that started this year, to the person writing this now, I’m honestly in a completely different mindset. January was also the end of the breast feeding journey with William.
February… The main thing that happened during February was my boy got to be with his best friend on his birthday and their bond is something I hope continues in the future. And Luna got to show her creative side in school. She is thriving in school and I love that she is showing everyone what she wants through her artwork. She made a beanstalk for Jack and the Beanstalk and it was all her idea. I am beyond proud of her.
March… March was a great month because my little man turned one! He had so many firsts, and watching him grow that first year was incredible. He also had a photo shoot on his actual first birthday which came about with the cutest little photos. Being his mum, has been such a rewarding experience and I cannot wait to see how he grows in the future. But for right now, he really is the happiest little boy that I have ever had the fortune to get to know.
April… during April, both my babies managed to contract chicken pox and that was exhausting. I hate it when either of my children are poorly but for both of them to fall, one after the other was seriously draining. William got it at the very end of April whereas Luna had chicken pox and hand, foot and mouth all in the same month. Being the mother of two poorly children really does test your patience and makes sure you are at your limit.
May… May started off really rough. William had chicken pox so badly that he ended up in hospital with a serious infection and a really high temperature. Although we was only there for a few hours, it just sucked that it happened around the same time for the second year in a row. However by the end of the month, I attempted to dye my hair pink and it failed massively. Only the ends took and I was seriously disappointed.
June… In June both my babies got to go to the beach for the very first time and it was definitely a once in a lifetime experience for the both of them. It was amazing to see their smiles, even if William did eat sand three times hoping for a different result. Both of them absolutely loved the arcades and both of them got to experience their first trip to the beach with both their mum and dad. (Yes, both my baby dads were present at the beach.) Luna also got to experience her first ever sports day and I was such a proud mother. She put her all into it and as a result got her first ever star of the week award. June was also the month I started to go live on TikTok which I’ve gained so many new friends and I’m looking forward to seeing them next year.
July… July was an interesting month. I gained a new scar around my eye. I got a little drunk on a night out and ended up falling into my bathroom unit. If I had fallen even slightly more to the left, I’d have lost my eye. I got my first black eye because of it although I’d say it was more of a red eye than bruised and purple. Luna ended her first year at school and I saw just how much she changed over the year. July was also the month I finally got to meet Dan Olsen and listen to him live which crossed another thing off my bucket list.
August… I left my son for a long weekend and it was the first time I ever spent any amount of time away from him. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in his short little life so far. He handled it better than I did and he still continues to handle it very well. Luna’s dad had him and I’m so thankful for their relationship. He loves his uncle Kieran and I love the fact that despite him not being biologically related, Kieran still treats him the way he treats Luna. He loves both my children and I am forever blessed to have such a stable co parenting partner. We haven’t been together for so long, that now I literally just see him as family and together, Luna is thriving because of it. I experienced nervousness that I have never had before and it actually helped me grow. I managed to brave the underground and travel through London completely alone (on my way back that is). August was definitely one of the better months and a smile was brought back to my face.
September… September brought about my purple hair which was giving me massive Harley Quinn vibes. It was also the first time I got to meet Nat. I met her through TikTok and now she is a massive part of my life. Every day without fail I will have a video call with her and discuss life. She has become a massive part of my day and my life. She got to meet my babies and we may have gotten a little drunk. I get to see her again next year with Robbie and Sean too!
October… I turned 30! Oh my goodness do I feel old! But I had the greatest birthday thanks to my all time best friend. She went round and got everyone that means a lot to me to me to send a video and I watched it live on TikTok. I’m pretty sure there was tears. I also got my first ever tattoo. It’s of Mickey and Minnie dedicated to both my babies. There are also two hearts, which are dedicated to the two babies I lost during 2020. Luna also got star of the week for being considerate, kind and respectful as well as being compassionate and showing empathy. This was one day I knew that I was raising a leading lady rather than doubting my parenting abilities.
November… In November, my boy picked his football team. He had all the teams displayed on the screen and was drawn to the Wolves. So despite being a United supporter and his dad being an Arsenal supporter, I encouraged him to follow his team. I even brought him the kit for Christmas although he got it early because they were actually playing on TV and I wanted him to be patriotic to his team. They won!
December… The final month and boy am I glad that the year is basically over. I got stranded in a bloody train station for over an hour after my train got cancelled halfway through and it made me scared to travel again which sucked because that was the journey up there. I still had the journey back and it took me days to finally get on the train to come home but I am glad that I faced it. I again suffered with a guilty heart because I felt like I could have done more for both my children for Christmas. However Luna had an amazing birthday and they both equally enjoyed Christmas.
Family… My family grew significantly this year. Not in additions but in terms of personal growth. William is still having firsts, but they are becoming less often which is a downside to him growing up. However, he is coming on leaps and bounds. His walking with more confidence, his not as difficult to understand, although he has his moments and he knows his own mind. Luna, is growing up to be such a civilised member of the community and I couldn’t be prouder. She does however have my attitude and that makes our life together so interesting. I understand why my mum said she can’t wait for me to experience what she had to dealt with. I just encourage her! I hope she keeps my stubbornness and my unwillingness to take any shit intellectually.
Health… my physical health this year has definately improved. I still show symptoms of my Addison’s Disease but I know how to cope with it now compared to myself a few years ago. I had my smear test again due to needing to have the cancerous cells removed. But thankfully, the test come back negative this time which meant we really did remove all the cells. I had a little hiccup in December, but you’ll find out more about that next year. I’m not quite ready to talk about it at the moment, although it does come with a trigger warning.
Mental Health… HA! So this year my mental health has taken a beating. Partly because I wasn’t coping but also because I was focusing all my time and energy on fixing other peoples problems whilst ignoring my own. I know that next year I need to take more time to myself and focus on ensuring I have a lot of selfcare. I am hoping that by writing more, I will be able to get a bit more control on my mental health.
Love.. DOUBLE HA! My love life hasn’t been interesting since 2021… doesn’t mean it isn’t complicated because trust me it really is. Hopefully it is less of a mess next year but only time will tell.
I am looking forward to the new year. I am looking forward to writing more and making new memories with the people that mean so much to me. I have a trip to Liverpool planned as well as a trip to Wales and Scotland! I am so fortunate to have friends all over the UK, that means I get to experience new places and cultures. All of which will be posted on here. So bring on 2024. I am not going to say that I’ve got resolutions planned, because I don’t. But what I do know is, I am going into 2024 with the greatest little family, the greatest friends and an open mind. So goodbye 2023, you’ve been interesting and hello 2024.
Thank you! Thank you to every single person that has followed and read my blog post. Your support means a lot to me and to know that my words have resonated with so many people, really is life changing. I love the fact that I have helped so many people with my writing because I started my blog as a way of coping. Until next week, I hope wherever you are in the world, you never stop smiling because the world is a better place with your smile in it.
Open Up With Me 