Happy 2024 everyone! I know it’s Sunday and we’ve already been in this year for 7 days but considering it’s my first post of the year, I thought I’d start it off on the right note! I hope that this year is the best one yet for everyone reading and for their families. I know things are hard right now, but one thing I have learnt in life, is that we must always try to find the silver lining in everything we do, even if it’s difficult.
Today’s post, as you can tell is a reflection post on why I started blogging and how far I’ve come. I wrote my first blog piece way back on the 6th of April 2017. Has it really been that long? Since I started my blog, it has had 11.7 thousand views in 116 different countries by 7468 visitors. That has been over 146 posts with my best amount of 120 views in one day. I’d say that’s pretty impressive for what I believe is a small blog. Never did I imagine that my words would be read all over the world.
I wanted to have a place where I could express all parts of me, including the dark ones without fear. Writing is and has always been a very personal thing, but it is my biggest escape. I wanted to write about the things happening in my life, in an attempt to try and figure out how I was feeling and why, for the most part, it really did help. It wasn’t until August that I actually wrote a long post specifically for my blog and I’ve been blogging ever since. I’ve taken breaks from writing, but I always come back.
Between April and August, I found out I was pregnant with my eldest child Luna and my Addison’s disease was still a massive problem even with the pregnancy. I remember writing about how I never wanted to be controlled when it came to this blog and essentially that’s what I did. I allowed others to say what I can and can’t post to the point I just couldn’t write anymore.
My early posts are generally about my life, my mental health and about being a first time mum. All three things were major parts of my daily life and attempting to cope with my mental health when I first started writing. My therapist said that writing would be a great way to a release the emotions that I couldn’t express through talking. My biggest problem is I always bottle everything up and opening up is my biggest downfall. Hence, why I decided to call my blog open up with me, in the hopes that I might actually start to open up to all the people in my life.
Almost 7 years later and what have I really achieved? My blog has been read in so many different countries around the world, I have had many people reach out about my posts and how I’ve managed to capture the words that they felt but couldn’t express. Those comments mean a lot because I feel like even in the middle of the chaos, I have managed to help even one person, then I know that my writing has meaning.
I love writing so much and I find it so much easier to express myself when I write what I want to say compared to saying it. I think that stems from never thinking before I talk and saying whatever is on my mind which is not always a good thing. My mind is ruled by emotions and considering I have the emotional stability of a whirlwind rollercoaster, it’s never going to be a true reflection.
I think if I look back at the person who started the blog, I still have a massive trouble opening up to people. I worry too much about how people are going to react, how they are going to perceive what I’m saying, if they’re going to think that I’m just over reacting. I worry that my mind is playing tricks on me and that the way I’m feeling is a response to overthinking and my emotions aren’t in line with what is actually going on. However, when it comes to writing, I get to express myself in a way that I can’t do physically to someone’s face. I manage to find the right words to express because I can just let my fingers do the talking and I don’t have to worry anymore.
Facing people, and telling them how I’m feeling, expressing why I’m feeling this way and watching their emotions display all over their face, even though they think they are great at hiding it, destroys me a little. I feel emotions on a level that I don’t know how or why. Maybe it’s because my emotional range is so huge and I feel things so deeply but whatever it is, has the ability to destroy me. However because of it, writing means not having to face them, not having to feel more than I already do and because processing my own feelings is easier hidden behind a screen where no one can be affected.
Writing has helped me in ways I can’t explain. It has helped me identify my triggers, it helped me learn to not lose my cool when I’m overreacting, it helped me realise that I generally have a reason why I’m feeling the way I do, and that even though there are people who don’t understand, it’s okay. I have learnt that to the right people, my emotions, my feelings and my thinking is okay because they want to be there and they want to try and understand it. However, for that to happen, I have to understand it myself and that’s why I write.
For so many people struggling, writing is a relief. They may not post it like I do, but they find that putting it out into the world even if it’s in the solidarity of their own world, it’s a weight lifted. Writing has saved me and it’s been a burden. There are times where I need to write and times where I want to write but there are also times I can’t write and all of them are okay because my blog will always be here for my escape. So if you’re struggling, try writing. I started by writing words linked to emotions, and then I started to form how I felt into sentences. And here I am, four years later, writing blog pieces and hoping that someone can find some help and support in my words.
Thank to you everyone that has taken the time to read my first blog post of the year. Over the next week, there will probably be two posts coming out this week. One is really personal to me and there may be another providing I can figure out just what I want to write for my weekly post… I have over 40 drafts, so maybe I will finally finish one of them. Hopefully I see you again next week. I hope that where ever you are in the world, that you are still smiling because the world is a better place with your smile in it.
Open Up With Me 